Are you experiencing conflict in your relationship? Conflict is part of all relationships. Even healthy relationships will have some conflict. However many people tend to avoid conflict because it causes them pain. The fact is that it is not a lack of conflict that predicts how healthy a relationship is, but rather how the conflict is resolved. In other words, it is better to have some healthy conflict in your relationship than none at all.

In relationships conflict ranges from minor irritations to significant and critical fights about needs, wants, preferences, interests, opinions, beliefs and values. When criticisms or accusations are exchanged frequently between a couple it is those very accusations and criticism’s that become the source of information about what each person feels about their partner.

If the underlying cause of the conflict is not addressed then it can lead to resentment, ongoing frustration and eventually emotional disengagement from one or both partners.

The good news is that even when relationship ruptures occur because of a difficult conflict to which there seems to be no solution, the event can actually strengthen your relationship. If worked on properly a conflict can ultimately create deeper understanding between two people. Once the conflict is resolved it can bring closeness and respect, and can allow couples to discuss and resolve issues within the relationship. But left unresolved conflict and the relationship ruptures it causes can be destructive, cause resentment, hostility and even the end of the relationship.

Some things you can do to manage small issues to prevent conflict:

  • Timing is everything. If you are trying to do other things then you may need to discuss the issue at a later time when you both can focus
  • Try to let go of anger about smaller issues
  • Stick to the issue at hand

When conflict does arise remember:

  • Deal with one issue at the same time
  • Avoid the silent treatment
  • Don’t ignore an issue your partner feels is important
  • Fight fair. No name calling or belittling, swearing or verbal abuse as this can escalate the situation further and really damage your relationship in the long term

When the conflict has past try these repairs:

  • Letting your partner know you are sorry for any distress caused to them by the argument
  • Offering your partner comfort, like a hug, to move you closer together following the fight
  • Remind one another that no matter what happens you care about each other and that your relationship is more important than ‘winning’ the fight

Don’t forget that no matter how important your partner is to you or how much you may love them, conflict is bound to occur. When handled well differences in your relationship can help you and the relationship to grow.

Do you struggle with conflict in your relationship? Find out more about my short downloadable workshop on communication here >> https://debbicarberry.com.au/product/short-course-communication/

If boundary setting is challenging for you take a look at my short downloadable workshop here >> https://debbicarberry.com.au/product/short-course-relationships-boundaries/

I’d love to stay in touch on FaceBook where I do FB Lives to answer your questions and share the latest information on my upcoming workshops.

You can also head over to my website to find out about my global online relationship membership Rewrite Your Relationship Story

Until next time …

Debbi

Debbi Carberry is a clinical social worker and relationship coach in private practice in Brisbane, Australia where she specialised in relationships transformation. She has spent over a decade helping women and couples to form and maintain successful and fulfilling relationships. Debbi is the author of a short relationship guide “Is Your Approach to Relationships Healthy? 7 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself” and the creator of the groundbreaking global online relationship membership Rewrite Your Relationship Story