Relationship Bootcamp Recap

Communication is so important in any relationship – but poor communication is one of the biggest complaints of most women!

Some important things to remember:

Fight Fair
Don’t name call or put down – explain what behaviour is driving you nuts and how you would like it to change but don’t be mean when you do it  – the other person is way more likely to listen if they don’t feel attacked.

De-escalate Conflict
There are a couple of things that will escalate conflict really fast and make communication almost impossible so avoid these four at all cost:

Defensiveness – jumping in with your own accusations about the other person
Contempt – eye rolling, tutting and being generally disrespectful
Criticism – being critical is guaranteed to make the other person very defensive
Stonewalling – shutting down either by leaving the situation or emotionally disconnecting

Finally, when talking with your partner there are only a few ways to ask them for things.

Either with an invitation, a negotiation or a demand.  You can bet that most men will not respond well to a demand – so try to come from a place of invitation or negotiation.

Many women tell me they feel drained, tired and seriously stressed out a lot of the time.  Another common issue is feeling underappreciated, unseen, and unsupported?

These things are usually a sign that its time to either put in place or reinforce boundaries with others and with ourselves.

Setting boundaries helps us to:

#1 – have a clear sense of self (where we end and others begin)
#2 – be able to decide how we want to be treated by others
#3 – make life decisions that serve and support us
#4 – make choices that are better for our health and well-being
#5 – feel empowered

Love can’t exist without boundaries.

If you have difficulty saying no, ignore your own needs to meet the needs of others or have people in your life who are demanding, controlling, criticizing, pushy, abusive, invasive, pleading, or even smothering you with kindness, it’s your responsibility to speak up.

Setting boundaries can feel really hard

It’s hard for some of us to set boundaries because:

1. We put others’ needs and feelings first;
2. We don’t know and understand ourselves well;
3. We may not feel like we have any rights;
4. It can sometimes feel like setting boundaries will jeopardize our relationship; or
5. You may never have learned to have healthy boundaries.

If you want to learn more about boundaries grab a cuppa and watch the video below.  I’ve also added a Boundaries Checklist for you to see what your boundaries might look like.

The 5 Love Languages (written by Gary Chapman) are a revolutionary way of understanding how you and those around you give and receive love.

Once you know what your own love language is and you know what your partner’s love language is, you will be able to better give and receive love in your relationship.

A love language is not difficult to learn. It is about communication but not just with words.  A love language is simply a way of expressing love and commitment.

I want to help you to understand and show you how using love languages can bring you and your partner closer than you have ever been. When we understand the five love languages and learn to speak the primary love language of our partner, it radically affects their behaviour towards us.

Research shows that people feel happier, more content and connected when their emotional love tanks is full.

Most couples do not speak the same love language as their partners.  We are not taught about love languages, so it can be frustrating if your partner doesn’t understand your needs.

Once you identify your own love language and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, you will be able to meet each other’s needs and feel loved and cherished.

When demonstrating our love to our partner we need to use THEIR love language not our own so that they are able to feel our love.

Take a moment to think about …

❤ How do you express your love to others?
❤ What do you complain about the most to your partner?
❤ What do you request most often from your partner?

The five love languages are:

• Acts of service – Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
• Words of affirmation – Expressing love through spoken words of affection, praise, or appreciation.
• Receiving gifts – Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
• Quality time – Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
• Physical touch – It can be either non-intimate or intimate connection. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

Whether you are single or in a relationship knowing this information makes a huge difference to the way you connect with a partner and even your kids.

To find out what your love language is – go to this quiz Love Languages Profile

To help you out with ways of showing your love I have added my “47 Ways To Show Your Love” below which details how you can show your love to someone (if you don’t struggle with this print if off and give it to a partner you love 😉)

Today its time for one of my absolute favourite relationship topics – Attachment – this is the core of how we do our relationships.

I have popped a video below for you about attachment as well as my Attachment Quiz below so that you can work out what your own style of attachment is.

Today is our final day and it seems really appropriate that I have saved the most important until last – today its ALL about YOU!

So many of the women I work with and those that I know – simply don’t put themselves on their VIP list (very important person).  This often means that their needs don’t get met.

This can have some awful consequences over time.

We can end up:

• Exhausted
• Resentful
• Overwhelmed
• Hurt
• Angry

I have been teaching women how to care for themselves for over 10 years and I know that the biggest obstacle you are going to face is yourself.

Please try to remember that learning to care for yourself means that you will have enough left over to care for those people you love.  And like it or not no-one can do this for you but YOU!

I’ve attached my Self Soothing ToolBox below for you to download.  It has tons of great tips and tricks to help you get self-care into your day.

I highly recommend getting a self-care box or bag (instructions are in the toolbox).

Self-care is essential to a healthy mind, body, and spirit. When we invest in self-care it can feel really empowering, reducing overwhelm, stress, fatigue, and resentment.

We cannot give freely and wholeheartedly when we are feeling empty or drained. We can renew our energy, revitalize our spirit, and have a strong feeling of abundance. BUT this can only happen if we are willing to slow down and create time and space to meet our needs.